


love you 'til the end...

by sillycharityx



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, I blame lockdown, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24172495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillycharityx/pseuds/sillycharityx
Summary: In my defence - I'm sorry. Inspired by what is possibly my favourite ever book.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 19
Kudos: 70





	love you 'til the end...

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Love You Till The End by The Pogues - worth a listen.

I’ll love you ‘til the end…

The first letter arrived three months on. It was her birthday. Lost in the confusion of the mountain of post - she hadn’t taken any notice of the familiar font, her brain working on auto pilot as she tore into the envelope. Her breath caught in her throat.

_‘Hey Charity._

_Surprise. I know this probably feels a bit morbid… But I just hate the idea that I’m not going to be there to see you glare at Chas when she teases you for getting another year older. I mean, it kills me not to be there. See, that’s funny! Okay – no it’s not. You’re going to be so impressed see, I have a plan Charity. I’ve written you letters. Letters that will be coming to you in all sorts of ways. I waited until your birthday for the first one because I figured you probably weren’t stepping out of the house for a while… Letter number two will be arriving tomorrow. Now you must do what I say, okay? Don’t try to figure out how the letters are coming… It’s too brilliant and it’ll ruin my plan. Just go along with me on this. Because the thing is, I just can’t say goodbye to you yet. So, for starters I want you to get glammed up and go and celebrate. Take Chas, and Rhona, and Tracy. I hereby free you from an awkward ‘Dingle’ buffet, tell Chas jam roly-poly has no place in a buffet spread anyhow. So, have a slice of the cake I know Sarah got the boys to make you, put on your best blazer and get out of the house. Tell Tracy to make a plan. Know that wherever I am, I’m missing you. Happy birthday._

_I love you.’_

Tomorrow arrived. Alongside a hangover and a piercing alarm tone. Sitting bold upright in their bed – no – her bed, Charity cursed under her breath as she switched off the godforsaken racket. Wincing slightly she gingerly massaged her temples. Glancing to her bedside table once more to see if she’d been smart enough to pour herself a glass of water the night before, she noticed a letter propped up against the photo of Vanessa and their boys. For the second time in two days Charity found herself struggling for breath as she opened the envelope.

_‘Since I couldn’t buy you one myself this year, I hereby declare that you must go out and buy the most hideously overpriced jumper to keep you warm. And I know you despise the Woolpack sometimes, but make the effort. Do your shifts. I’ll help. Look for a sign. You’ll know what to do._

_PS. I love you.’_

Approximately one month after her birthday, Charity was slowly losing the will to live. Chas had been bending her ear for the last forty-five minutes regaling some marvellous tale of Paddy rescuing a stranded badger or something. Safe to say Charity had zoned out pretty quickly. A wave of relief hit her when she discovered a barrel needed changing. She almost sprinted down the steps into the all too familiar cellar, making light work of the barrel change over. She decided she didn’t quite fancy another hour of Chas chattering away just yet so slid down into the armchair that still sat in exactly the same place. However, something felt different. Charity looked down and immediately saw why.

Vanessa.

Another letter.

_‘It didn’t feel right leaving a letter wedged between the sofa cushions in our living room. Doesn’t quite have the same sentimental value as this old chair. I did some googling and found this upholsterer who will revamp this armchair. Get it done, and move it into our home. I picked out some of my favourite designs._

_PS I love you.’_

Charity sighed when she opened the folder wedged alongside the letter. Of course, every single design Vanessa had chosen was a hideous shade of yellow.

‘Absolutely not.’ She muttered to herself.

Three weeks later an obnoxiously bright yellow arm chair made a new home for itself in the living room of Jacob’s Fold.

The next letter literally appeared as if by magic. She had piled the washing in front of the machine, taking one more trip up the stairs to grab the towels from the bathroom. When she returned to the washing basket there it was. Another envelope with her name on.

_‘My dressing gown is for you. I always loved the way it looked on you… you know after… Especially in those early days when you were trying to sneak about Tug Ghyll. I can hear your wink from here Charity. But the rest of my clothes, you don’t need them. You’d never be seen dead in any of my jumpers. Sorry… Bad joke. Make some space in your wardrobe. Go on. It’s time._

_PS. I love you.’_

It was two months later when the emails started. Expedia had sent her three reminders about her upcoming trip before she finally rang their helpline. Intent on giving them a piece of her mind. The poor lad at the other end of the phone had quite the task of explaining that a trip had been organised for herself, Rhona and Tracy to go to Donegal, Ireland for a long weekend. Charity was adamant that there must have been some kind of error when the lad sent through the initial confirmation email to her. Vanessa’s name was on the booking. It was for the same cottage they had stayed in when they went on their first family holiday. Charity was blinking back the tears as she thanked the man for his help. At the last second she apologised. It was like she could almost feel Vanessa’s disapproving glare willing her to say sorry for her tone.

Arriving at the cottage, Tracy raced ahead into the house, declaring the long and bumpy drive meant she was desperate for a wee. Rhona and Charity just exchanged an eye roll and began dragging the suitcases up the path. A shout from inside made them forget the bags too. Sat on the kitchen table were two letters, addressed to Tracy and Rhona.

_‘Hey little sis. Make sure Charity has a good time. Make sure you do everything you want to do whenever you want to do it. You’ve got a smart brain Tracy, use it. And make sure my Charity does things. Take her up town – dancing – and buy her a dirty martini from me. Look after yourself._

_Love you.’_

_‘Rhona, Take Charity to The Stepping Stone – I’ve booked you a table for tomorrow night. 7pm. We went there for dinner when we were here last time and I know you’ll love it too. Rhona, thank you for stepping up and being Charity’s friend. She needs your friendship and the kindness I know you have plenty of._

_Love you.’_

They headed to The Stepping Stone as requested, the next night at 7pm. Vanessa had indeed managed to book them a table, something that caused lengthy discussion as they ate their dinner. The cheery landlady refused to enlighten them when they asked about how the booking had been made. She just gave them a wink and offered them more whisky. The music started around 9pm and Rhona and Tracy didn’t need much convincing to head to the dance floor. Charity declined their gestures for her to join, choosing instead to sit nursing her whisky. Memories of the last time she was here were flooding through her head. All at once it became too much. She made her way out of the front entrance, almost collapsing against the stone wall gulping in large mouthfuls of fresh air. Her mind cleared slightly as she focussed on calming her breath.

‘This is for you.’ Charity’s eyes sprang open at the interruption. It was the landlady of the pub. She was holding an envelope.

‘But-‘

‘Shush love – ours is not to reason why. Just read.’ With a calming squeeze of Charity’s shoulder the woman returned inside.

_‘To my Charity,_

_I hope you’re having fun. I told you we would make it back here one day. And here we are. Together. In the same place where I fully realised. When I knew for sure I loved you. And I was almost convinced you felt the same about me. Even if it took another few weeks for you to finally pluck up the courage and tell me… Dancing in your arms in this place felt like home. It felt right. Do you remember the first proper conversation we had? When you told me you liked a challenge? I hope it’s never been a challenge loving me. Because it’s been so easy to love you. Easier than falling asleep curled up in your arms. You said that when you want someone to notice you, they notice you… You were spot on. I never stopped noticing you from that moment on._

_PS. I love you.’_

It took a few weeks for another letter to arrive. This time delivered by the post man himself. Johnny and Moses had become quite competitive at seeing who could pick the post up fastest – today Johnny won. He handed over the small pile to Charity before heading back to his cereal. Charity thanked him, absentmindedly nibbling on her toast flicking through the pile. It was at the bottom. A slightly thicker envelope this time. She opened it carefully, savouring the moment. A package slipped out into her hands – some sort of flower seed?

_‘A sunflower to remind you of me. Plant the seeds with the boys. Teach them how with love and care pure happiness can blossom._

_PS. I love you.’_

Things began to resemble a new normal again. Work was the same… The boys were growing... Along with their sunflowers… Johnny was now excelling magnificently in reception… It was all going rather smoothly. Except of course, a piece of Charity was missing. She thought she was hiding it pretty well, but there was a darkness behind her eyes that wouldn’t leave. Every time she glimpsed a yellow raincoat outside… Every time she heard Johnny and Moses talk about their mummy ‘Ness’… Every time she rolled over in bed and saw the empty space beside her…

It had been months. Months without a hint of another letter. It had reached the point where Charity was nearly accosting the post man every morning with glaring eyes... It didn’t matter. The letters didn’t come.

Late one evening when the young ones were in bed she had pulled all the letters out reading them through. She knew each one by heart, each cursive quirk of Vanessa’s handwriting, each crinkle of the paper.

Curled up in the yellow armchair was how Noah found her. Silent tears flowing down her cheeks. He knelt down next to her, not sure she’d even noticed his presence. Reaching for her hand he passed her a familiar shape. She looked at him in pure disbelief.

‘You.’

‘I couldn’t say no to her mum. You know what she’s like when she gets an idea.’ His head was bowed and cheeks flushed. ‘This is the last one.’ He squeezed her hand once more before heading back up the stairs.

Leaving Charity with the last little part of Vanessa.

_‘Dear Charity,_

_I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean because you're at David's again, buying me the ice-cream I said I fancied on a whim - and you'll be home soon. I feel like this is it though. That this is the last thing I'll get to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or to spend some time wallowing in the cellar... It's to tell you how much you move me. How much you've changed me. You made me face up to my true self and embrace that, and all by loving me Charity. For that I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, then you will try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honour of being the love of my life. For noticing me. How lucky am I? You made my life Charity, but I am just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. Don't be afraid my darling Charity. Let life's journey continue for you when it can't for me. Love the boys twice as hard, and give them a kiss from me every night. Vanessa x_

_PS. I will always love you.’_

Whether it happened in ten months or in ten years, Charity would obey Vanessa’s final message. She never could say no to her… Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her. For that’s how she found her Vanessa.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to apologise once more.
> 
> Come say hi on twitter if you fancy - @sillycharityx.


End file.
